This comes after the news that the Cult of Scientology had become the richest "religion" in the world, mainly thanks to it's A-list celebrity endorsements and extortion schemes.
The merge will cause some changes within the religions, The Pope will now be renamed "Lord Xenu" Alien Overlord and saviour of the humans from the evil Thetan spirits.
Other changes include:
* A limit on child molestation. (1 per priest)
* $30 charge upon entering any (previously) Catholic Church.
* Four-hour personality tests for anyone wanting to enter the new religion.
* No scientists or psychologists allowed.
* Must turn in the deeds to your house/kids if you want to join BLSHT Level 3 or above. (previously level 4)
Chairman and Co-Alien Overlord, David Miscavige, said he was very happy with the merger and smooth takeover of the Catholic Church in a press statement earlier today:
"We'd had our eye on the Catholics for a while now as they had a huge wealth and global image that we really wanted to make the best of, plus it cost us pennies!"
When asked about the controversies surrounding both parts of this now dual "Super-Religion" he pleaded for a fresh start in the eyes of all the previous and new followers.
"Let's forget about everything that happened in the past, literally - we've written the entire history of the planet in simple clear terms for everyone to understand; from the day the planet was created by the Gassok 7 Space-cruiser, to the day Scientology killed Hitler and prevented 9/11 simultaneously"
For people previously on the fence between the two, they no longer have to decide which is better, abusing children or believing we've all been possessed by intergalactic aliens.
Both Tabbzy and Charltzy have become SciekoCaths and encourage everyone to join, providing you can afford the £33,000 registration fee.
3 comments:
LULZ
All hail the new Lord Xenu!
Will the Pope need a new outfit?
double ROFL and one LOL. Good work!
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