BanterCast Show Notes: Episode 4

It was a year and a half in the making, but it finally happened - episode 4 of the BanterCast - rejoice!

We'd like to apologise to our fan(s) to whom we promised this episode so long back, but sometimes it's hard co-ordinating banter when the hosts live on opposite sides of the world with different but equally crazy-busy schedules!

But for now, we're going to take advantage of us both being in the same place/bed at the same time and try and keep the Cast on a roll!

We hope you enjoy the show and if you do, be sure to pass it on to your friends (real or Facebook-based) so we can share our banter with as many people as who'd dare download it.

If you don't follow us on Twatter or Fakebook, make sure you do, we appreciate all comments on the BanterCast and they'll most likely be read/mocked on air if you do.

So enough of that, go to the download page here to get it directly, or just do a quick search for "BanterCast" on iTunes and subscribe to us too.

Let the banter commence!

Download Episode 4

The BanterCast: Episode 4 "Retro Banter"

Episode 4 - "Retro Banter". The Tabbzy & Charltzy Show, also known as the BanterCast.

One and a half years in the making...

The agenda for this episode:
*What we've been up to
*The Banter Network (Previously "Mailbag")
*Banterous Links (Previously "Can't believe what I found..)
*A clip from an inspirational 1940's radio show
*Charltzy's Movie Reviews
*Top 10 (Racist Quotes from Prince Phillip)

Plus many blatent celebrity endorsements and more!

This Episode of The BanterCast was sponsored by the The Sir Tabbzington & Charltzington Show

Download Episode 4

BNP Launch Bid for SKY TV

Today, cross-eyed British National Party leader Nic Griffin announced his party’s proposal to bid for ownership rights for SKY and SKY News.

"We don’t know why we didn’t think of it years back! SKY TV represents a massive proportion of our demographic that we need to constantly engage with, making it a fantastic acquisition to our BNP portfolio of brands" Griffin continued; "We've also got our eye on Emmerdale and Coronation Street"

Griffin, whose far-right party have vigorously denied being a Neo-Nazi party also said; "We aren’t racist, we just want to uphold good old British values, of not liking foreigners whether it be at home or abroad, our terrible grasp of languages and beer consumption that turns frustrated shaven headed gents into barbarians by night”.

The pint-sized Asian-hater continued, “Anyone who watches SKY , inherently possess these great British values. They also give me airtime, which cant be a bad thing eh?”

When quizzed about his interest in British media , he also stated that soap operas such as Emmerdale and Coronation Street were "Good old British soaps which fairly represent the pure Christian white majority of British people, with the odd exception” he said pointing to a picture of Dav Patel.

Mr Griffin failed to comment on Eastenders.

New Conservative Government to Make Monocle-Wearing Mandatory

The new Conservative Government announced today via press conference that all upper-class pursuits will be made mandatory for all UK citizens.

Starting from the 1st of September, the new rules introduced by the The Organisation of Fine arts Facilities will become British law and be punishable by death if not followed.

Some of the more controversial laws include:

*All men over the age of 19 to wear monocles in one eye, both eyes if over 45.

*Fox Hunting mandatory on Sundays, in areas where they aren't available cats and dogs maybe used. (Corgi's excepted)

*All drinks to be served from Champagne flutes, pint glasses now abolished.

*All music banned, with the exception of Kenny G.

*Racism will now be reduced to a level of "a bit risqué", but "amusing if well timed a a cocktail party".

If you've heard of any other laws being secretly introduced, feel free to list them in the comments section below.

McDonald's Korea Launches McWoof Burger

McDonald's of Korea announced today that they will be launching a country-specific menu, starting with the McWoof burger.



The McWoof is available in a selection of flavours including Chilli-Chiwawa, Barbeque-Beagle and the Teriyaki-Terrier.

If successful, the menu will be expanded to China, Japan and parts of Northern England.

Charltzy's Rant Of The Cheeky Week: American "English"

It’s everyone’s favourite/most hated feature, please take another look at my C.R.O.T.C.H!

This week we have American English or “Why people who learnt English as a second language now feel that they’re more knowledgeable about it than the very people who fucking invented it’

We all know that most Americans are loud, annoying and 60% of them are morbidly obese, but did you also know that they can’t spell or talk properly either?

First example, you’re in a Cinema, the trailers come up for some Jerry Twatheimer/Michael Gay Crapduction film, after 30 seconds of CGI, explosions and vaguely middle-eastern people being shot in the face, you get the date: “COMING JULY SEVEN”.

Now every other country in the world writes their dates from smallest part (day) to the biggest (year) or the reverse of that, but what do the Yanks do? Middle, Small, Big – what a load of fucking nonsense.
What, do you say your birthday is on the March of 5?
Maybe they’re just being lazy, which is why they don’t say FIFTH or THIRD, they just say the month and a number, making them sound like illiterate twat-wads, or children.
DECEMBER ONE, APRIL THREE, are you fucking kidding me?
Now, all of this wouldn’t be a problem expect they force everyone to use their stupid retarded system on the interwebs for any kind of online registration.

What do you mean 23/12/1980 isn’t accepted you back-arsed shit-tard?

Christ help you if your birthday is between January and September, you’ll probably end up getting birthday reminders 6 months early/late thanks to this stupid cock-up.

Michael Bay's well directed interesting movie: Coming this holiday-fall-thanksgiving, July 7, 2-thousand-NEVER.

OK, so if there are any Americans still reading, I will say this only once, THIS is the correct way to say it/write it: “The 31st of March, 2010”

Next up, I saw this in a episode of “Lost” (no I don’t hate everything American)

Jack deciding whether he's either stupid or retarded

(In a funeral parlour)
Funeral Guy: “Are you friend or family”
Jack “Either”

Either!?
What the fuck does that mean? So you are both? You want the funeral director to choose or guess?
The word is NEITHER as in NOT EITHER of them.
For example: “Do you want a liposuction on your fat arse or your sagging stomach?”
Answer: “Either would be fine, can I have McShake with that?”

This next one I’ve seen several people on various TV shows and around the net saying this and it really is ridiculously stupid.
On being asked who they want to win the Best Film Oscar, Avatar or The Hurt Locker:
“I could care less about it”

What the shits name kind of answer is that?
This one I’m not sure if it’s an American expression or just several million of them making the same mistake.
Let me say this clearly so you don’t get confused, it’s “I COULDN’T care less”
As in I couldn’t give a fuck, couldn’t give a shit etc.
If you COULD care less, that means you care a bit and you ARE bothered about the thing in question. Jesus Christ.

Next up: Swearing.

As we all know, British people are the best at swearing in the world, closely followed by the Australians, who have probably made it into a sport and are currently in training for it for the next Olympics.

Americans on the other hand, not so much.

First of all they changed all our swear words/expressions to make them LESS offensive to their delicate Christian God-fearing ears.
For example “Wanker” was changed to “Jerk Off”, jerk is pretty tame if you think about it.

But my all time favourite is how that “Twat” is pronounced “Twot” by Americans, hahaha TWOT!!

Go on, give it a try, write down twat on a piece of paper and ask them to say it if you don’t believe me, it’s hilarious!
But at the same time, annoying that they think we’re saying it wrong.
We invented swearing, get it right burger boys.

Ha, and if you want to make any American faint (apart from Larry David, genius) just say CUNT at the top of your voice.
I’m telling you, walk into the roughest bar in the toughest city in the States, walk up to the biggest guy in the room, say CUNT to his face and he’ll pass out while making the sign of the cross on his forehead.

Fact.

American man passes out after 82-year old British woman says the C-word in his face

Nick Griffin Firebombs Own House After DNA Mixup

In an unfortunate accident earlier this week, Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP has his home ruthlessly firebombed, by his own doing, after being told that his Great-Great Grandfather was Indian.

Nick Griffin, bong-eyed, overweight, child-fiddling racist leader of the BNP.

The infamously racial politician appeared on the revered BBC documentary "Who Do You Think You Are?" where celebrities donate a sample of their DNA to discover their ancestor's roots.
Unfortunately Mr Griffin's DNA results got mixed up with Channel 4 news presenter Krishnan Guru Murthy's, resulting in his genetic makeup being described as "90% Indian, 10% Bangladeshi".

Next-door neighbour and eye-witness to the fire-bombing, Jeff Snitchtits, recounts the scene shortly after the DNA results came in;

"I saw Nick come running down the street shouting things like 'bugger off back to where ya came from' and 'I'll teach you for marrying a bloody ethnic', the weird thing was he seemed to be shouting them at his own house and wife"

Police psychologists have since fathomed that the views of his political party and his believed ancestral roots, caused a huge conflict of interests in his mind, leading to massive brain haemorrhage, which sparked the outrageous self-harming behaviour.

Krishnan Guru Murthy, not currently the leader of the BNP.

Mr Griffin has since been told his actual DNA breakdown, which came in as "1% White-European, 99% twat".